


Don't Leave Me Lonely

by honestmischief



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Hanahaki Disease, Illnesses, M/M, Mild Blood, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Loki (Marvel), Oblivious Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22520971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honestmischief/pseuds/honestmischief
Summary: When Loki found out that Tony had Hanahaki Disease, he wished that there was something that he could do to save him. The words 'I love you' were on the tip of his tongue, but he knew that speaking them wouldn’t change anything. Loki was sure that he wasn't the one who Tony loved.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 375





	Don't Leave Me Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about Hanahaki Disease and decided I wanted to try it! I honestly don't know how I feel about it but I needed to stop thinking about it so I decided to post it. I hope you guys like it!

Loki’s company in Midgard was better than he expected it to be. Loki was forced to return to New York City and live with Thor once they figured out he was posing as Odin. Part of him was angry that he had to live with his enemies who defeated him just four years ago, but he was also slightly relieved. Being a king was terribly boring and his punishment could have been much worse. 

It was also interesting that the Avengers were no longer together as a group. The team that came together because of Loki was dismantled with only the Man of Iron not in trouble with the government. The Hawk was confined to his living space, and the Captain and Black Widow were fugitives. The beast hadn’t been heard from in a year. 

The only people living in the tower were Loki, Thor, Stark, and Colonel Rhodes. They had an interesting dynamic, but Loki quite enjoyed the company. He wasn’t willing to spend all of his time with Thor, but their relationship was on the mend. Colonel Rhodes was a kind and humorous man and Loki liked to attend his rehabilitation sessions. 

Tony Stark was Loki’s favorite. He was the most intelligent person that Loki had ever met and they spent a lot of time talking about inventions and magic in his workshop. Tony also cared about everyone else more than himself, which surprised Loki. When Loki arrived at the tower two months ago, Tony showed nothing but kindness towards him. Loki didn’t know what he did to deserve it after everything he did to the realm, but he supposed that Tony was special. 

Over time, Loki started noticing more about the man. Tony would smile every time Loki asked him to show him his projects in the workshop. He would slightly blush any time Loki would compliment his inventions. He also looked surprised, but happy, when Loki would agree to eating dinner or having a drink with him. Loki found himself wanting to do anything to keep a smile on the man’s face. 

Loki was falling in love with someone who would never return it. He supposed that he was okay with it. It was the first time he felt something that brought a feeling of warmth in his chest in years. It made him feel alive for the first time in centuries. He could deal with Tony not loving him back.

Loki was distracted from his thoughts when he heard a quiet noise come from Tony’s throat. The inventor coughed softly as he continued to work on fixing DUM-E’s claw. It was making a squeaking noise that had been bothering Tony for a few weeks. 

“Are you alright?” Loki asked. 

Before Tony could respond, he coughed again a little louder than before, but it was still minor. 

“Yeah, my throat just feels a bit scratchy,” Tony said. 

“Are you ill?” Loki asked. He knew that mortals were more likely to get sick than most. 

“Nah,” Tony was quick to respond. “It’s probably just allergies.”

“If you insist,” Loki said. 

Loki didn’t want to sound overbearing, but he wished that he could have told Tony to tell him if he felt any worse. Loki did not like the sound of Tony being ill, even if it was only minor. 

“I can tell you’re worried, Lokes. I’ll be fine, I promise,” Tony told him with a large grin.

“Alright,” Loki said softly. 

“Good. Now pass me my coffee,” Tony demanded. 

\---

Tony continued to cough. Loki didn’t know what allergies were, so he asked Rhodey (Tony insisted that Loki needed to call him that instead of James, and of course Loki complied because he would do anything that Tony asked of him) about it the next day. Rhodey explained that it’s common for mortals to have them and it’s an immune reaction to things such as pollen and dust. Tony continued to cough sometimes over the next few days, but he kept telling Loki not to worry about it. Loki was honestly trying not to, but it was hard when mortals were so fragile. 

One evening, Loki decided to visit Tony in his workshop. There was nothing on TV and Loki was surprisingly tired of reading. If Loki was being honest, spending time with Tony was better than TV or books. 

Loki was surprised to find an assortment of flower petals scattered around the workshop and Tony nowhere in sight. Curious, Loki picked up one of the petals and after further inspection he realized that they were red rose petals. He couldn’t think of a reason why Tony would have so many of them on his workstation and floor. 

“Oh!” Tony exclaimed in surprise when he returned to the workshop. He must not have expected any company. “Hey, Lokes.”

“What are these for?” Loki asked, still holding one of the petals.

“Oh, those? They’re just flower petals,” Tony responded. 

“Yes, but why are they all over your workshop? You have never had flowers before,” Loki questioned. There were also no stems or whole flowers, which meant Tony must have picked all of the petals off himself. 

“Decoration. Don’t worry about it,” Tony said. Tony was saying that a lot lately, which only made Loki more worried. 

“Are they for a grand romantic gesture?” Loki asked. He had seen many Midgardian romantic comedy films since living in the realm. 

Tony snorted. “Definitely not.” 

\---

“Has Tony been acting strange recently?” Loki asked Thor. 

They were sparring together in one of the workout rooms in the tower. Loki was in no mood for physical activity, but Thor insisted that they spent time together once a week. Loki was in no position to disagree. He did not want Thor to tell Odin.

“Stark is always a bit strange, isn’t he?” Thor chuckled. 

Loki did not think Tony was strange. He was different than most humans, but it was a good thing. It was what made Tony so interesting and nice to be around. 

“He has developed a cough,” Loki told him. 

“Midgardians get sick easily. Jane gets what is called a cold every other month. I would not worry, Brother,” Thor said. 

Loki never listened to his brother growing up, and he was not going to start now. 

\---

“Hey, I’m going to finish up DUM-E’s repairs. Wanna help?” Tony asked. 

Loki closed his book and said, “Of course.” 

Loki couldn’t say no to Tony Stark. 

Tony grinned, and Loki stood up from the couch and followed him to the workshop. DUM-E let out excited beeps when they walked in. Loki enjoyed spending time with Tony’s artificial intelligences. They were magnificent. 

Tony didn’t speak much when he worked, which was fine with Loki. It gave him more time to admire the inventor without being noticed. Tony was so focused on his project and barely even took the time to blink. There was a spot of grease on Tony’s cheek that he either didn’t notice or didn’t take the time to wipe off. Loki had to stop himself from reaching across the bench and wiping it off with his thumb. 

Loki wasn’t asked to do it, but he picked up the screwdriver and handed it to Tony. He knew that Tony was going to ask for it when he noticed his eyes on him. He was in love with the man, so he was good at predicting what he was going to say. Tony reached for the screwdriver and their hands accidentally brushed against each other. 

Tony began to couch loudly with his chest and the screwdriver landed on the table with a loud thud. He continued to cough for a few more seconds before running to the bathroom and slamming the door. 

It was hard for Loki not to follow him and make sure that he was alright. Tony’s cough sounded much worse than it did a few days ago. After a few minutes, Tony still hadn’t returned from the bathroom and Loki was really worried. He could hear muffled sounds of coughing from behind the closed door. 

Loki decided that enough was enough and it was time to check on him. He gently knocked on the door. 

“Tony, are you alright?” Loki asked. 

“I’m fine!” Tony exclaimed, followed by more coughing. It sounded worse with every cough that Loki heard. “You can go back to your floor, I’ll find you later.”

“Not until I know that you are okay,” Loki responded. He could not leave Tony like this. 

“Please-” Tony started to say, but he was cut off by more coughing. 

“I’m coming in,” Loki said. 

He knew that it was an invasion of Tony’s privacy and he didn’t want Loki to see him, but Loki was genuinely scared and needed to see what was happening. The door wasn’t locked. He found Tony sitting in the corner of the bathroom and rose petals on the floor around him. 

“Loki, you can’t be here,” Tony said with a panicked expression. 

“I want to be here for you, for whatever this is,” Loki told him. 

Loki took a seat on the ground next to Tony and rubbed circles on his arm to soothe him. Only a few seconds later, Tony began to cough again. His chest sounded congested, and rose petals began to fall from his mouth onto the floor. Some of them were stained with blood. Loki wanted to ask Tony what was causing it, but he knew that Tony was in no state to reply. He continued to cough and gasp for air for a minute until he finally stopped. 

“I think that was the last of it for now,” Tony stated. 

“This does not seem like a minor allergy, Tony,” Loki said to him. 

Loki had never seen an illness that caused a person to cough up flower petals. He was familiar with magical illnesses, so this had to have been something specific to Midgard. The blood that stained some of the petals did not make the illness appear to be minor. 

“It’s not,” Tony agreed. “But it’s nothing that I can’t handle.”

“You don’t have to handle this illness on your own,” Loki told him. The thought of Tony coughing up flower petals with no one to hold him and tell him that he was going to be alright upset Loki. 

“I know how to fix it. Can you trust me?” Tony asked. 

“Yes,” Loki replied, even though he did not like it. 

\---

“FRIDAY, what illness causes humans to cough up flower petals?” Loki asked. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Odinson. My protocols prevent me from answering that question for you,” the AI responded. 

Loki wasn’t surprised at all. Tony was always determined not to ask for help when it came to his health. It was something that Rhodey warned him about when Loki started to become friendly with the both of them. 

“What illness causes humans to cough up flower petals?” Loki asked again, this time to Rhodey after a physical therapy appointment. 

The Colonel’s went wide. “Why are you asking?”

That meant that Tony did not tell his life-long best friend of his illness. 

“I witnessed Tony coughing up rose petals yesterday,” Loki told him. 

He knew that Tony was going to be angry when he found out that he told Rhodey, but Loki couldn’t bring himself to care. It was about Tony’s health, and Loki was not going to do nothing while the man he loved was suffering from an illness.

“Loki, if this is one of your tricks I’m going to strangle you,” Rhodey threatened. 

“I promise I am speaking the truth,” Loki said. Most people did not believe what he said, but he would not lie about someone as important as Tony. 

Rhodey slammed his fist on the table in frustration. “Tony is such an idiot, you know that? Why didn’t he say anything?”

“What ails him?” Loki asked. He was scared to find out based off of Rhodey’s reaction. 

“It’s called Hanahaki Disease,” Rhodey sighed. “It causes people to cough up flower petals when they experience unrequited love.”

Tony loved someone who did not love him back. It didn’t make any sense to Loki. He didn’t understand how someone could not fall in love with someone like Tony. 

“Is there a cure?” Loki questioned. 

“If the person loves him back, it will go away. Or there is a surgery, but it would cause him to lose his love for them,” Rhodey explained. 

“Is it Ms. Potts?” Loki asked. 

Tony ended a relationship shortly before Loki moved into the tower. Loki never asked what the circumstances were, but Loki guessed that Tony was still heartbroken if it led to this disease. 

“Maybe, but I really thought that he was feeling better about it,” Rhodey responded.

“We have to fix this,” Loki said. He wasn’t going to let this disease kill Tony.

“There is only one person that can fix it,” Rhodey replied. 

Loki wished that it was him, but he knew that his love would never be enough. 

\---

“I know what is causing your illness,” Loki told Tony. He knew that Tony was never going to tell him the truth so he figured that he should say it.

“I’m sorry. Like I said, you don’t have to worry about it, I’ll be okay,” Tony told him. 

“Who is it?” Loki asked. 

If Loki could just  _ convince  _ them to love Tony back, he would be saved. If someone as heartless as Loki could fall in love with him, he was sure that anyone could. 

Tony opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself. 

“It doesn’t matter. They don’t love me back,” Tony responded after a few seconds of thought. 

“There has to be something else we can do,” Loki said. He could feel his eyes getting teary, was a shock. It had been decades since the last time he cried. 

“Can we just spend the time that I have left together?” Tony pleaded. 

It was easy for Loki to see that Tony was upset. Tony was going to die if the person that he was in love with couldn’t love him back. Even though Loki couldn’t fix that, spending Tony’s remaining days with him was something that he could do. 

“Alright,” Loki responded with a sad smile. “I’m here for you.”

Tony’s eyes lit up as he grinned, but it was short lived. He started to cough up rose petals and more of them were stained with blood than the last time. All that Loki could do was sit beside him and rub circles into his back. The words “I love you” were on the tip of his tongue, but he knew that speaking them wouldn’t change anything. 

\---

“It isn’t Pepper,” Rhodey told Loki. 

Loki’s eyes widened. “Then who is it?” 

Loki wasn’t aware that Tony had a recent relationship with anyone else. For a moment, Loki was sad again that Tony wanted someone other than him, but he quickly pushed the thought aside. It was not the right time for jealousy. 

“He’s getting worse,” Rhodey said. His refusal to answer Loki’s question did not go unnoticed, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to find out who the person that Tony loved was.

“I know,” Loki said quietly. 

Tony was getting weaker every day. He was spending more time on the couch and less time in his workshop. Loki stayed with him most of the day because he couldn’t imagine leaving him alone for too long. He couldn’t help but notice how each breath that Tony took was more difficult for him. It hurt Loki to see him decline when there was nothing that he could do to stop it. 

“I don’t want to suggest it, but maybe it’s time to consider the surgery,” Rhodey said. 

Loki shook his head. “He will not want that.” 

“He won’t,” Rhodey agreed. 

\---

“I just really want to watch The Empire Strikes Back one more time,” Tony said. 

Loki hated the science fiction movies that Tony loved, but he would watch any move that made him happy. 

“Stop speaking as if you are going to die,” Loki told him. 

“I  _ am  _ going to die,” Tony reminded him, as if Loki could ever forget. 

Loki honestly didn’t know how to respond with words, so he took Tony’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze instead. Rose petals landed on Loki’s lap. He wondered how a flower that was a symbol of love could also represent something so dark. 

\---

As the days went on, Tony’s condition got worse. He was much weaker and only stood up a few times per day. Loki didn’t want to admit it, but Tony didn’t have much time left. All he could do was watch it happen and it was agonizing. 

“It hurts,” Tony gasped as he coughed up the last of the petals. He was coughing more frequently, so Loki knew that the break would not last for long. 

“If you would just tell me who it is-” Loki began to say, but he was cut off. 

“There’s no point, Lokes. They don’t love me back,” Tony told him. 

“I can make them!” Loki exclaimed. He was frustrated and he hated that he was taking it out on Tony. 

“You can’t. It doesn’t work unless they confess their love on their own,” Tony said. 

Loki buried his head in his hands as he tried to calm down. Watching the man that he loved die a slow and painful death was the hardest thing that he ever had to do. He would spend years in the void if it meant that Tony would live. 

At this point, there was only one option to save Tony. Loki hated that he had to suggest it. 

“Have you thought about the surgery?” Loki asked with his tone barely above a whisper. 

Tony cringed. “I don’t want it.”

It was not a surprise, even though Loki hated to hear him say it. 

“I went through years before Afghanistan without feeling anything like this. I can’t go back to that,” Tony explained.

“I know that you can get through the surgery. You have gotten through many obstacles, Tony. You saw the void, you broke up with Ms. Potts, and you survived the betrayal from the Captain,” Loki said to him. 

Loki knew that he should not have begged him to change his mind, but he was so desperate. Tony would not want to live a life without the love that he felt. Even if he chose to do so, he would not be himself anymore. Tony Stark’s ability to feel was what made him human, and it was what made him the person that Loki fell in love with.

“Please don’t bring him up, I can’t deal with that right now,” Tony told him.

“I’m sorry,” Loki immediately apologized. He should not have done that. “I just don’t want to lose you.” 

“I don’t want to lose you either,” Tony responded. 

Tony began to cough again, and the wheezing that came along with it made Loki’s heart ache for him. 

It was later that night when Loki realized who Tony loved. It was Steve Rogers. 

\---

“When you were with all of your SHIELD brothers, did you notice how close Tony and the Captain were?” Loki asked Thor. 

Loki knew that Thor likely did not have much information. The oaf was rather oblivious about everyone besides himself. 

“We were all friends. Why do you ask?” Thor responded. 

“Do you think that the two of them were in a relationship?” Loki asked. 

Thor let out a laugh. “I do not believe so, Brother. Tony was in a relationship with Ms. Potts for years.”

Loki sighed. “I believe it is the Captain who Tony is in love with.” 

It hurt Loki to say it out loud. He wanted it to be him that Tony was in love with, but it would never happen. 

“I think you are overanalyzing this. I know you are fond of Tony-”

“He can’t die, Thor. We have to do something!” Loki exclaimed. 

Thor only raised an eyebrow in response before returning to his meal. Loki let out a groan in frustration and left Thor to finish lunch alone. 

\---

Loki was not proud of what he was about to do. He had done many things that he wasn’t happy with, but he was about to do something that Tony might never forgive. But Loki was desperate, and if it was going to give Tony a chance to live, he could deal with his anger. If Tony was alive and did not want to talk to Loki ever again, Loki would be fine with that. All he wanted was the man that he loved to live. 

When Tony was asleep, Loki made his way down to the workshop. He knew exactly what drawer had what he was looking for. He opened it to find a telephone that flipped open, and there was only one phone number saved in it. Before Loki could change his mind, he called it. 

“Hello?” the Captain answered. 

“The man out of time,” Loki responded. 

It was not the first time he used the phrase to address the man. He was sure that Rogers was able to quickly figure out who was calling him. Loki debated changing his identity for the phone call, but he ultimately decided against it. 

“Loki,” Rogers replied. “Where is Tony? What have you done with him?” 

Loki had to hold in a laugh. The man who left Tony to die in freezing temperatures was worried that Tony was harmed. 

“I assure you I have not harmed him,” Loki said. 

“Well, forgive me for not believing anything that you say. Where is he?” Rogers asked. 

“He is asleep and he is quite ill. I thought that maybe you would wish to know,” Loki explained. 

“Oh,” Rogers said in surprise. “How bad?”

“It is Hanahaki Disease,” Loki told him. 

Loki knew that he could not explicitly tell him that Tony was in love with him, but he could give him hints. If Rogers knew that Tony was suffering from the disease, Loki hoped that he could realize that he was the only one that could cure him. 

“That’s awful,” Rogers said. 

Loki hummed in agreement. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Rogers asked. 

Loki gave him a moment to think about it. 

“You think that I can save him,” Rogers sighed. “I can’t.” 

It was difficult for Loki to not shout his frustrations at the Captain, but there was no use. He should have known that the man who forcefully slammed his shield into Tony’s chest did not love him back. But Loki was not familiar with what love was. He only knew the love that he felt for others, not any other kind. 

Loki didn’t even respond before shutting the flip phone. 

\---

Tony was barely able to breathe without coughing up rose petals, and Loki was aware that he did not have much time left. All he could do was sit beside him and hold is hand during his last moments. The feeling in Loki’s chest was not pleasant. It burned and he could barely manage to breathe, but he knew the pain from his heartache was nothing compared to Tony’s.

“I’m sorry,” Tony gasped between breaths. 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Loki told him. Tony had a big heart and it was not his fault that he loved so strongly. 

“Thank you for staying with me,” Tony said with a grin, because only he could find a way to smile when he was minutes away from death.

Loki did not expect to do what he was about to do, but he was not able to stop himself. 

“I know that it can’t save you, but I love you,” Loki said. 

Tony’s eyes widened in shock. “What?” 

“I love you, Tony. I wish that it could mean something to you, but I cannot let you die thinking that no one could love you. I know that my love is not enough to save you, but I wish that it could,” Loki explained. 

“I love you too, Loki,” Tony told him. 

Loki almost choked on his breath. “How?” he asked. 

Before Tony could respond, he began to cough up more rose petals. He coughed for a few minutes as the rest of the petals trapped in his lungs cleared out so Tony could breathe again without any pain. Finally, Tony took a deep breath for the first time in weeks. 

“I love you,” Tony repeated. 

Even though Tony said it twice, Loki still couldn’t believe it. He never thought that he would hear Tony say those three words to him. 

“Why didn’t you say so?” Loki asked. 

If Tony told him earlier, he never would have gotten so ill. He almost died and he still didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t think you loved me. I mean, how could you? With my long list of character defects and mistakes,” Tony responded. 

“You seem to have forgotten that I tried to take over your realm,” Loki reminded him. 

Tony laughed, and Loki was overwhelmed with relief. It had been so long since the last time that Tony laughed. 

“Honestly, yeah. You’re actually very easy to fall in love with. You’re smart, funny, and you’re extremely hot. I mean, how did you even get so tall?”

Loki pulled Tony in for a kiss in response. He had been wanting to kiss him for so long that he almost couldn’t believe that it was actually happening. He never thought that he would get the chance. 

"I am sorry that I didn’t express my love for you earlier,” Loki apologized once they pulled apart. He hated how he could have prevented Tony from getting so ill. 

“It’s okay. You did it eventually,” Tony replied. 

“You may be angry with me when I tell you what I’ve done,” Loki said sadly. 

Tony raised an eyebrow. “What did you do?” 

It was a hard decision to make, but Loki knew that he had to tell Tony the truth. 

“I believed that you were in love with the Captain. I called him using your telephone to tell him that you had Hanahaki Disease hoping that he would be able to save you,” Loki confessed. 

“You did?” Tony asked in surprise. 

“I am not proud of it, but I could not lose you,” Loki told him. 

Loki was surprised that Tony leaned in and kissed him. He expected Tony to be furious with him. 

“I forgive you. You had good intentions,” Tony said. “But I can’t believe you thought I was in love with Steve! You’re so much hotter than him.” 

“I love you,” Loki said again. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to stop saying it. 

“I love you too,” Tony grinned.

Loki would never grow tired of hearing it. 

**Author's Note:**

> The angst in this almost killed me while I was writing it yikes. Anyways, Loki is a big dummy but I love him anyway.


End file.
